Murderously Quirky Dark Cello Cabaret: Morbidly Vaudeville Songs and Psychocello accompanied performance poetry to revolt and entertain...

Miss Von Trapp was discovered at a folk festival in late 2006 clutching madly at her cello, muttering something incomprehensible about worms and claiming that 'they'd let her out again'.

Noone can be entirely sure when or where she was originally unearthed but she's here now to revolt and entertain.

She'll have you singing campfire singalong grisly folk songs, ghoulish rewrites of cabaret numb...ers, music hall songs traditional and her own and the odd bit of darkly humorous poetry thrown in for good measure...

And with makeup reminiscent of Aunt Sally - a folk game played at fairs where the unfortunate dolly was the target of many a coconut - and possibly a tin of cat food about her person, Miss Von Trapp would prefer flowers or gin if you were to throw anything at all.

Putting the fun into funeral since 2006 and performing live since 2007...



 Available for weddings, funerals, festivals, cabaret nights, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, Halloween, Christmas, anything but children's parties... *

 I can do anything from 5 minutes to 40 or more dependant on your requirements.

*not yet road-tested on under-10s. Probably best not. Pensioners are fine though.

 Miss Von Trapp apologises in advance for the upsetting of young people and timorous adults, the off-putting of those that may be eating or drinking, and all un-classical, less than musical acts performed on her beautiful instrument.





"I've been following Miss Von Trapp online for some time now. She sings songs of murder and violence, or turns previously innocent songs into mayhem and blood baths. Accompanied by a cello. Really funny stuff. It turns out that in person she's just as delightful, and has a truly amazing voice."
- Nimue Brown

"She's a brilliant solo performer with a cello, a vaudeville edge, and a dark, dark sense of humor. She's one of those people who you'll catch on a night out and then spend the rest of your life searching for. I've saved you the bother. Her live shows are of some repute, bringing elements of comedic performance and songs about children being poisoned by eels into the mix. I mean, can you really argue with that?"
- Brilliantly British Goth Blog Tourworthy.com

"If Sweeney Todd was a cellist instead of a barber he may have sounded like Miss Von Trapp!"
- This Is Cabaret This Is Cabaret .com

"Perfect comic timing, great performance, slick and professional"
- Barnfield Theatre Feedback, Exeter

"If you like your vaudeville and cabaret very dark and very fun, do check out Miss Von Trapp. Her cello gives me goosebumps and I love this!"
- GurdyBird

"From somewhere you shouldn't have gone in the first place, at the back of Sweeney Todd's school of hairdressing and Mrs Lovett's Pie Shop. The most murderous cellist we know, Miss Von Trapp!"
- Birthrite

"Perverse, extraordinary, bizarre and outrageously funny... Not a gig to take your mother to - but your granny would be in her element!"
- Sullivan The Poet

"Miss Von Trapp is darkly comic... Think the love child of Wednesday Addams and Yo Yo Ma, whose godfather is Monty Python ..."
- Martin Graham King

"Miss Von Trapp took to the stage made up like Aunt Sally with her cello and theatrical weirdness; she's certainly an acquired taste but unique and highly entertaining in an alternative theatre kind of way. You can't help but love her! A mixture of live music and comedy, this was raw entertainment at its best."
- Ellie Hudson-Hopton Plymouth Herald Live Pub Scene Review.

"A phenomenally dark, twisted, inspired and brilliant performance. We loved every minute of it, thank you!"
- Exeter Alternative Theatre

"Dark, Satirical, Brilliant"
- The Elegant Savages 'Songs To Die For' Review.

"She's kind of Rasputina meets the Tiger Lillies meets the room this old spinster named Priscilla kept full of creaky antique toys on the street where I grew up. If that room had had a soundtrack, I bet it would've sounded exactly like Miss Von Trapp. Come to think of it, what the hell was I ever doing in that room? My parents did not inculcate me with a proper sense of Stranger Danger. If I were the subject of a Miss Von Trapp song, I surely would have met an untimely end."
- Weirdest Band in the World.com Miss Von Trapp as Weird Band of the Week.

"Like a gothic doll from a horror movie sits Miss Von Trapp cackling and sat astride her electric cello. Booming out morbidly moribund lyrics and revamped traditional songs with a disturbing 'sing-a'long' style reminiscent of a scene from a Tim Burton film, Miss Von Trapp will hold you spellbound with her dark operatic capers and yet it is laughter that abounds in her audience as we find mirth in the twisted details of her songs and story telling. I recommend experiencing her performances - they're to DIE for."
- Star Khechara

"Gifted singer, musician and rare perceptive wit, the artist Miss Von Trapp deserves appreciation." "A rather grand ocean of quirk. An exceptional talent."
- MichaelStMark, DADA in London - kick stARTing the 21st C.

"Nice to hear a song accompanied by a cello in cabaret as opposed to a ukelele or piano! And I like how folky it sounds :)"
- Beatrix Von Bourbon, Beatrix Von Bourbon

"Miss von Trapp is a British cellist of the neo-Vampirian tradition. She is a cellist much like Johnny Ramone was a guitarist. Theatrical, sinister, brooding, vaguely threatening, her work is a real treat."
- Mark Allender, Bowed Radio


  Miss Von Trapp, besides playing the cello, is a trained singer with a strong mezzo soprano range and a professional actor with an extensive background in physical theatre, experimental cabaret and also TIE and community theatre. She's also not bad on the kazoo and children's percussion instruments...


Currently the easiest method of contacting me is via the message button on my:

Miss Von Trapp Facebook Page.

Or email info@missvontrapp.com

Bandcamp: Miss Von Trapp: Schopping Page for Buying my Music





Raising Steam Compilation: Raising Steam is an anthology of mostly UK Steampunk bands to which I have donated two tracks.A festival was planned for September 2013, which didn't go ahead, but all the bands generously agreed to donate 2 tracks to a compilation which would raise funds for a registered charity, New Futures Nepal (reg no 1142984). You can download the 22 track album for five pounds by clicking here! or by using the preview player below.